Eight things to remember when there’s nothing you *have* to do, and a million things you *should*

1. Momentum, not shame

2. Build from the ground up

3. Get dressed

4. Count your victories

5. Use the clock

6. Have a kit

7. Restrict your partying

8. Be gentle with yourself

Me after doing my nails at home. I need practice I guess. Photo by Racheal Lomas on Unsplash

Yesterday, while curled up under a ridiculously fuzzy red blanket and applying for yet another job online, I had a realization:

Not because I’m stronger or smarter or because I’m more stocked up on dry goods than everyone else (I am/ have none of these things)…

Here’s why.

See cause, as long as guys like us are in charge, everything will be perfect!

Note: this is a speech I gave on 7/18 for the Confront Corruption rally in San Jose.

I gotta tell you, I can’t tell if the system is broken, or if it’s working perfectly.

Most days it seems like it’s broken. The 2008 economic “recovery” made the rich richer and the poor poorer. Individuals in the U.S. pay astronomical amounts for basic health care. The United States represents only 4.4% of the world’s population, and yet we incarcerate 22% of the world’s prisoners. …

Here are six reasons. Do it this weekend. Seriously, just go.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Marvel has finally picked up on the rumblings-turned-shouts-in-the-streets for better representation in their tentpole movies, and releases Black Panther this weekend.

Were you not entertained? OMG YES CHADWICK I WAS

I saw it. And fellow white people… you gotta see it too. Us, especially.

I’m addressing my fellow pasty brethren because already, some of us are shaming our damn ancestors (or, let’s be honest, making them proud) by posting racist, and eye-rollingly easy to debunk, crap on Twitter about showings of Panther. One subset of white folks wants to be…

Srsly, I don’t want to do this rn.

Image from Babe, https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355

A few years ago, someone asked me a question. When I answered, I learned something I didn’t really want to know about myself.

“Have you ever been raped?”

“No,” I said emphatically. “I’ve just had a lot of sex I didn’t really want to have.”

Yeah. That’s rape.

It’s been a year, and I’m sorry to say that I’ve actively avoided thinking about the ramifications of what came out of my mouth that day. Until the Ansari thing.

As I read the account of The Worst Date Ever, I found myself… sneering. “Well, yeah,” I thought. “That’s what some guys…

Another Three-Point Guide for All You Weepy [White] Liberals with Feelings

You know what?

It’s not worth it.

Just walk away, at least right now while they’re gloating.



In the meantime, donate to the ACLU. Give money to Planned Parenthood in Mike Pence’s name. Join the Black Lives Matter movement. Register as a Muslim. Do whatever you can, but right now they have no reason to listen, because they feel they’ve won. Quit talking if you can, cause it’s a waste of your time.

2. Remember that it’s not about you.

If you must spend Thanksgiving with Racist Uncle Bob, be ready with your facts and figures, and expect…

A Three-Point Guide for All You Weepy [White] Liberals with Feelings

I know. I’m upset too.

Interestingly, that was the supposed trump card (I’m so so sorry, but there’s no better expression I can think of) in a recent argument: that I’m just too soft. My whole problem, according to a Drumpf-supporting relative on Facebook this week, is that I’m basically a Big Damn Baby (the phrase, “Put your Big Girl panties on, Lauren,” was supposedly the game-winning point in our several, very public, scuffles. Joke’s on her, as I haven’t been able to get out of pajama bottoms for about a week now).

But I do believe that part of…

Lauren Shields

Comedian, Minister of Urban Outreach at Urban Sanctuary, San Jose. Author of The Beauty Suit (Beacon Press, 2018) www.laurenjshields.com

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